Week 6: "I want my Turkey back"

So it was Thanksgiving yesterday.... LOL. (Canadian Thanksgiving) No really it was Way good, and the members spoiled us. We had 3 Thanksgiving meals (Sat, Sun, and Mon.) 

But me and Sister Wright decided to embrace the American culture on Thanksgiving because well Murica'. So here we are dressed in Red, White, and blue (:

 

{ Sister Wright and I. This is my Companion. She is fro Pasan, Utah. She rocks. Somehow she had never had ice cream from an Ice Cream truck ever before in her life (not even in the states), so while we were tracting one day we saw one and jumped at the opportunity. We also didn't have enough Canadian coins to pay for it, so he gave us one for free :') Tender mercies of The Lord man. }

HEY CHICKENS HOW IS EVERYONE. 

Lets think, what happened this week.  

So, a lot of the members all call me Sister Alabama, which I actually love. Nothing is better than the South, and barely anyone here has been to the states, let alone the South. They are all, however, very disappointed that I don't have an accent. So there's that.

Anyways, this past week I've been struggling a lot. I mean I was happy, I guess, but it was more just like contentment. And I felt the spirit, just not as much as I wanted to, or really needed to (because afterall the Spirit is the real teacher here). Some days I felt very overwhelmed with all the things I needed to be doing. I felt and feel very inadequate in a lot of ways, and just like there isn't enough time in the world to be able to master as many skills as I need to. Which is funny, because on a mission I have more time than anyone else to be so immersed in the Gospel and in Jesus Christ. Anyways, this past month, our Zone has been focusing on the atonement and in strengthening our faith in Jesus Christ and his atonement. Just really having the faith to know that we will find families to teach and baptize. 

Well, two nights ago, Sister Wright and I were doing our Comp Inventory and our nightly planning and we just both felt so blah. Like we want to be so on fire and to really get this area going, but we just didn't know how. We felt the impression that we really should just stop planning and take time to pray to our Heavenly Father. So we did just that. Essentially, I cried myself to sleep. The next morning, however I woke up with slightly more clarity. I just felt like what I needed to work on was Humility. So i studied that section in our PMG and in the scriptures during personal studies that morning, and I just came to the realization that that's what was holding me back. I guess I've just been so worried about feeling disappointed in myself and my inadequacies, or disappointed when lessons fall through, or when I don't follow a prompting of the spirit, that I put up a wall almost. Let me see if I can explain this more clearly. 

I know that Heavenly Father can do anything, and that He can make miracles happen. But I started telling myself that Heavenly Father could do anything that He wanted to. And in doing so, stopped really having faith that if it was something that I wanted, that Heavenly Father would make that happen. I was reading in 1 Nephi 15: 7-11 and it just hit me. In those verses it talks about how Lamen and Lemuel don't get answers from Heavenly Father. So their Brother Nephi says, Well did you ask him? And they say well, no we haven't, but he still hasn't told us anything. And the nephi says,

 "Do ye not remember the things which the Lord hath said?- If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, BELIEVING that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you. 

My heart is not quite as hard as Lamen and Lemuels. I am always asking my Heavenly Father for more understanding. But I just realized that I was asking almost the wrong way. I was forgetting, that if it was a righteous desire of my heart that Heavenly Father would make it happen, because sometimes, even if it is a righteous desire Heavenly Father doesn't give it to us, because he has something even better in store. But often times, when we don't get what we want we get upset and hurt. So to avoid all of that, I guess I stopped really exercising that faith that when I asked Heavenly Father to make things happen that he would. I just kept saying like well, if He wants me to find a family to baptize then He will. But Heavenly Father wants to give us the desires of our hearts. So if I want to baptize a family, then I need to just have the faith that He will provide a way. And if it doesn't happen the way I think it will, than that's okay because he has something better planned for me, and I can rely on the atonement of jesus Christ to overcome those feelings of disappointment and upsetness, until I am okay in knowing that Heavenly Father had a different plan for me.

Idk, if any of that made any sense to any of you. But that is what I really learned this week. In the process of avoiding feeling upset, I wasn't allowing myself to really rely on the Savior and on his atonement to lift me up, and I was trusting that my Heavenly Father loves me enough to give me the righteous desires of my heart. Which is why I started feeling nothing. Like just content. Like I wasn't sad, but I wasn't really happy or passionate either. Because like it says in the BOM, we can't know ture happiness without experiencing pain or sorrow. And because I had tried to block myself from feeling upset (rather than relying on the atonement to help me overcome that) I wasn't experiencing true joy, and I also wasn't allowing myself to rely on the Lord. So not only was I just trying not to feel upset, but in the process I was pushing Heavenly Father away because I wasn't humbling myself enough to trust him, or to let him work through me. 

I still don't know how much sense that makes to anyone. I'm running out of time, and I feel like I've been rambling but I guess at the end of the day I just want everyone to know how much their Heavenly Father loves them. SO SO MUCH! And to remind everyone to rely on Jesus Christ and his atonement to lift you up when you've fallen. Because He died for you. 

I'm out of time so next week I'll explain the whole "i want my Turkey back" thing, but just know I am doing great and I love my mission.

Love always,

Sister Robertson

Every P-day, Sister Wright and I have a goal to try/do something new. Especially Canadian related. So here is my 1st Wonder bar. Canadians love them.

 Last week I had the opportunity to go on exchanges with my STL. This is Sister Ritchie. She is from California, and now Utah. She is basically me, re-incarnated, but also improved. She's been out for 14 months I think now.

Sister Ritchie's grandparents served a mission in Jerusalem, and while they were there they bought this hand-carved Liahona. LIKE WOW. I had to get a picture with it, since afterall, I am Nephi's mother. 

​
​